considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
