he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
