The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
