i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
