Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
