I want to walk on stilts...naked
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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