She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
