I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
