i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
