Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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