I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
