Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
