There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
