dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
