weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
