He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
