I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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