This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
