woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
