Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
