I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
