ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
