I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
