My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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