Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
love makes seman taste better
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
