What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
