You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
