woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
