You made me cry and you don't even care
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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