the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
