So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
