Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
