I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
