No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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