i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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