I wish you could order shots online.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
