eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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