There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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