Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
