Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
