I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
