I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
