Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
