It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
