I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
