I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
