I need help removing her.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
