Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He passed out mid-signature
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
