You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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