haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
