I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
