I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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