Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's the barista slut.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
