We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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