your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
