Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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