At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
